It's happy hour, so we're going to start out with a double news on the rocks. The nonsense-mongers at Hasbro have just unveiled two new games. Speak Out: Kids vs Parents is a familial evolution of their game Speak Out, both of which feature your team trying to work out what the hell you're saying while you wear a dentist's cheek retractor.
Doesn't that sound like a game we'd make up as part of a skit? I can only approve that Hasbro has made it a reality.
The press image for it (above) is freaking me out, though. The combination of Habro's clean-cut toy photography (which has always looked a little "uncanny valley" to me) with rictus grins is absolutely terrifying. Imagine coming downstairs and finding them in your living room. "WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY A GAME," bleats the mother, spraying spit across the room.
Matt's head made from papier-mâché: that’s because you're great quinns
Quinns: Ha ha, you flatter me! Let’s get down to business, Matt.
Matt's head made from papier-mâché: i love business
Quinns: Today we’re reviewing Quartermaster General 1914, the third (and most highly-rated) entry in the Quartermaster General series. Like Memoir ‘44, these games might look like stodgy wargames, but don’t be fooled! 1914 is a tricky, playful card game that lets you get stuck into the drama and anxiety of WAR without having to measure any distances or frown at charts.
Now, our site has said over and over again that there aren’t enough team-based board games -
Matt's head made from papier-mâché: oh goodness no, nowhere near enough
Quinns: Don't speak, you're getting flakes of glue on the table. So team play is exactly what the Quartermaster General series is all about. In our case, 1914 is a five player game where three frail players take on two wealthy ones. It’s a tremendously exciting hook, and we're just getting started.
Speaking of maddening things, our top story this week is the above header image that was tweeted by BoardGameGeek. Looks boring, eh? WELL, you're actually looking at a prototype of Monolith's next project, Batman: The Board Game, and judging from the dice and stamina crystals it'll be an evolution of Conan, a miniatures game that this site loved to pieces.
This adaptation makes perfect sense! Conan's brutal choreography and breathless heroism would be perfect for Batman. But there's a problem that has me finding this announcement to be bittersweet.
Monolith's Kickstarters for Conan ($3.3 million) and then Mythic Battles ($2.6 million) have shown that they know how to run an exciting Kickstarter. Clearly, the page for Batman is going to make millions of dollars. But in addition to the sexism that's run across their games like an oil spill, in this pundit's opinion Monolith's been botching the post-release support that I've come to expect from expensive games.
Ooh, yes! The Shut Up & Sit Down Nonsense Box (this is the link you click on) (click it!) is no less than 112 cards that were dreamed up and playtested by... us! We didn't get the memo that the card descriptions were only supposed to be informative, so we made those really funny too. Oops.
Don't have the Monikers base game? Not a problem. The Nonsense Box is a standalone game, or you can chuck the base game onto your pledge as an add-on.
A micro-FAQ follows, after the jump!
I can’t say I’m ever likely to buy or play either of them, nor that I’m at all invested in the worlds of either of these entertainment giants, but I do see this as a wonderful way to bring different kinds of licensed games to more players, particularly families, beyond another bloody Monopoly, as well as for Czech Games to earn more well-deserved cash. If someone tells me, in twenty years, that they got into board games through trying to interpret obscure clues about Frozen characters, I’m going to be okay with that.
Okay, hold on, there is also comic potential here. I’m sure there’s all sorts of hilarious clues you can give if you want people to guess both a talking candlestick and a singing elephant, or something slightly sassy you can say about Spider-Man, Victoria Hand and Captain America. Maybe? I don’t actually know anything about comics. Is Garfield DC or Marvel?
The best thing to come out of Finland since karjalanpiirakat, Honshu made a name for itself during the American convention circuit last year. Contained in its small, peach-tone box are some cards and cubes, and contained within them is a simple card game, and contained within that are Japanese towns of your own design. Players draft cards and tuck them under and over one another in a gentle jigsaw, probing and pondering different arrangements, searching for a high score.
This site’s own Paul Dean was convinced after a quick play. So many people were convinced, in fact, that a publisher is finally bringing a shipment of Honshu to America next month.
But should you buy it? Ah, let me help you with that as a European, from the land where copies of this game are considered weeds, and I often have to throw away four or five mouldering copies of Honshu before my breakfast of limppu and kissel.
Honshu is good, but is it "SU&SD Recommends" good? Let’s find out.
Back in our eighth ever podcast we talked about Police Precinct, and while we had a terrible time with that game we were endlessly amused because we seemed to be playing the cast of Reno 911 on the set of The Purge. Then last year I finally got to try Good Cop Bad Cop, where in one memorable turn I confiscated my colleague’s coffee as evidence, downed it in one gulp, then shot them.
But with a name like “Deception: Murder in Hong Kong” and brooding, maroon box that includes a handful of plastic bullets, you might assume that this, at last, is a serious game about law enforcement.
You couldn’t be more wrong. I’m thrilled to say that Deception is every bit as silly as those others, and it's also the best game of the three. Come for a ridealong with me! You're statistically unlikely to be shot.
Paul: No, no. Dispirited. Crenelated. Crepuscular. My prandicle is absquatulate.
Quinns: Good God, that’s our SEO ruined, for sure. Perhaps you’ll be emboldened by THIS wonderful news. SHERLOCK HOLMES CONSULTING DETECTIVE IS GETTING SWOLE because the first(?!) standalone expansion is ALMOST HERE
Paul: OH MY GOD I’M GOING TO EXPLODE
Quinns: HAVE YOU FINISHED THE ORIGINAL TEN CASES YET
Quinns: ME EITHER
Paul: Yet the warm heart of Shut Up & Sit Down beats strong, emboldened by the news of games to come. This week we’re going to tell you about PRINCESSES and SPICES and AN EXPANSION FOR CAPTAIN SONAR. 2017 is already up to speed and it’s looking glorious. Which one thing are you most excited about?
Quinns: Yes! Do leave a comment below. Share your youth and vigor with us old men.
Quinns: Paul I have trapped my coat in the carriage door.