Paul: Yet the warm heart of Shut Up & Sit Down beats strong, emboldened by the news of games to come. This week we’re going to tell you about PRINCESSES and SPICES and AN EXPANSION FOR CAPTAIN SONAR. 2017 is already up to speed and it’s looking glorious. Which one thing are you most excited about?
Quinns: Yes! Do leave a comment below. Share your youth
Quinns: Paul I have trapped my coat in the carriage door.
In other words we’re one year on from 2015’s Corner Awards and I still haven’t figured out a better solution for review copies than letting them pile up in the corner of my flat. I bet Tom Vasel doesn’t have this problem. Not to worry! Once again I’m dispensing awards to all those games that didn't suit a full review, but were too weird to eject from the corner.
I’ve heard the rumours. “Quinns is getting too old to review seven games in one article! They already use CG for any scenes where he has to bend his knees.”
To which I say: Ha! Watch and learn, kids.
Between 1 and 6 players are the survivors of a crash-landing on a wild alien world. This team (possibly made up of just one nervy player) is opposed by one final player controlling the beast that lives there. A long, thin board measures the progress of each team: The humans win if they can survive until help arrives, the beast wins if it can wear down the humans and absorb them into the ecosystem like beer into a shag carpet.
Each turn, each human player plays a card face-down showing where they’re going, and the beast has to second-guess their movements and slap fat poker chips onto those locations, invalidating your turn or worse. If the beast itself catches you then it devours a precious “Will” cube.
Do I have your interest? Of course I do. You’re a weak-willed human, and this game is a seductive new land. Let’s go exploring.
Quinns: DO NOT READ THAT OUT.
Paul: "Where did the boobs and swinging dicks go"?
Quinns: Ok, I can explain.
Paul: There's no need! It's a question all men must eventually ask themselves.
Quinns: I don't doubt that, but that note actually refers to the Kickstarter for Kingdom Death: Monster, version 1.5. Not only has Kickstarter's most ambitious board game made a comeback, it seems to have been de-sexed.
Fantasy Flight has announced the next big box expansion for the superb Android: Netrunner, and it's Netrunner Legacy.
The copywriting on the announcement page for Netrunner: Terminal Directive is a bit of a nightmare, but basically anyone who owns a Netrunner core set and the Terminal Directive expansion will be able to play through a narrative campaign of runners vs. corporations. Sealed packs of never-before-seen cards will be opened one after another as a cyberpunk murder mystery plays out, and players will apply new stickers to their faction's sheet as they win or lose games.
Going into this expansion blind sounds like a delight. Not only do you get the surprise of adding brand new cards to your deck, you then get to surprise your opponent as you unleash them mid-game!
It takes a lot to excite me these days, but Vinhos Deluxe Edition managed it. Contained in this box is nothing less than a torrent of beautifully-illustrated tokens, a board that’s positively threatening in scale, and a fat, clean manual written with wit. It even has nice fonts! In a board game!
But it takes very little to make me nervous, and Vinhos Deluxe did that too. The rules that make sense, like buying vineyards or aging wines, contrast fiercely with the more arcane regions of the board, where players claim score multipliers or manoeuvre their action-selectors.
Any inference you want to draw from the header image of this article is correct. This game’s a beast to play, it’s tougher to teach, and it’s even harder to review.
Obviously, I couldn’t be more excited.
ALSO I guess I found a scratch and sniff board game and now I feel funny. Let me tell you about The Perfumer.
And so! Here's a brief explanation of the base game in case you're unfamiliar: Cash 'n Guns is a party game about dividing the loot from a heist. You all play one of the ne'er-do-wells involved in the heist, each armed with a foam weapon, and you're trying to end up with the most loot. Every round loot cards are dealt onto the table, the players pick a live or fake bullet which they play face down, and then point their foam gun at another player. They then have the choice to duck out of the round, avoiding injury but missing out on loot or staying in and risking injury but also potentially being part of the loot-sharing. There's also a godfather role which can move around between players and does things like giving that player the ability to tell someone to shoot at someone else.
You can imagine that the foam guns help with the role-play and people get really into the theatricality, pretending they're in Reservoir Dogs or attempting accents. (I don't do accents because I know my limits. Cockney ends up somewhere in the West Country, Welsh is somewhere between Indian and Northern Irish, and Russian is some kind of pan-European road trip as the sentence goes along.)
Quinns: paul why are you welcoming me i am always here-
Paul: I was welcoming them! Our readers! Quick, let’s get going, I’m writing my parts of this in a café that’s playing weird dance music at 1pm. I don’t know why it wants to be a club, but also a place that serves French toast. Anyway MONSTERHEARTS 2.
Quinns: HERE COMES MONSTERHEARTS 2!
🎵 Let’s have awkward sex again, like we did last summer 🎶