Games News! 20/07/15

Giant

Quinns: Paul, wake up. It’s time to do the Games News again! This week, we have all sorts of interesting things. There’s technology and Italians and convention news! Hurry up, we can’t dally!

Paul: Oh boy, was I sleeping? Why was I sleeping?

Quinns: I got excited about Flick ‘Em Up and threw a wooden chopping board at your head.

Paul: Flick ’em Up? The wild west dexterity game you spotted back at the Gathering of Friends (that we weren’t invited to)?

Quinns: The very same. Professional press photos have been released, and first time publishers Pretzel Games has already announced an expansion adding horses, lassos and ramps!

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Games News! 13/07/15

Warhammer

Quinns: Good MORNING everybody! What do you get up to this weekend? Answers in the comments below. Keep ’em short, sweet and tell me what your favourite component was.

The big story this week is the arrival of Games Workshop’s divisive, eccentric reboot of Warhammer Fantasy, Warhammer: Age of Sigmar. The new ruleset scraps point values for miniatures, leaving players to guess at what a fair fight might look like. It also adds a ton of bonuses that players can earn by acting a certain way while they play. Own a stuck-up High Elf dragon rider? You can re-roll your dice if you don’t smile for the entire hero phase.

A lot of Warhammer fans are confused. Some are upset. Some are really upset. And then you have the guy who uploaded a video where he sets fire to his army.

I’ve been watching the fallout for a week. It’s nuts!

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Games News! 06/07/15

cardboard trains

Paul: This is a disaster. How much food do we have left? How many days can we go? Will we even get rescued out here?

Quinns: I’m sure it’ll be fine, just keep sending up the flares and don’t put any limbs in the water. Look, I managed to salvage a few of the more intact parts of Matt, which we can probably cook, and then there’s the…

Paul: What?

Quinns: The Games News. I’m really sorry, Paul. We’re going to have to eat the Games News.

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Games News! 29/06/15

Nuclear War

Quinns: This weekend was a Party Weekend for the Quinns household. The good news is that we got to try out both Cockroach Poker AND Spyfall, and you can expect some very funny, positive reviews of those later this week. The bad news is that I’m so hungover that I’m having trouble focusing my eyes. I offer my sincerest apologies for what might be a distinct lack of humour, accuracy, bravery, words, truth or news in this week’s news.

Don’t worry! It’s all good news, at least. We never played Gale Force Nine’s Firefly board game (that’d be the team behind the innovative but wanting Spurticus tie-in game), because we heard Firefly was still wanting but a little less innovative.

That hasn’t stopped the game gathering quite the following, though, with GFN this week announcing three expansions! Firefly: The Game – Kalidasa is a big box offering a new sector of space and a wad of new cards, and the two miniature expansions will add new Fireflies (Fireflii?).

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Games News! 22/06/15

Meepillows

Paul: Atop a distant hill, reaching up toward the last, fading stars of the velvet night, barely visible in the pre-dawn glow, stands the temple to Games News.

Here, sat amongst the heavy and heady odours of swirling incense, stepping between the gigantic columns erected in times long forgotten, Shut Up & Sit Down’s many devoted acolytes cast bones, call out prayers and perform blood sacrifices in the hope of discovering what cardboard miracles will be delivered unto us in the weeks and months ahead.

Quinns: Join with us now as we row out over a briny waves toward those distant chants, as we step onto that rocky promontory and weave amongst the hairless worshippers as they perform their secret and arcane rites. Tread soft and bring no light, for this is a holy land which we all despoil when our sinful tongues even mention its name.

“Don’t be scared,” you hear me cry, straining over the oars. “It’s been a long journey, but you’ll get your Zombicide news soon enough.”

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Games News: Crowdsourced Edition! 15/06/15

Games News: Crowdsourced Edition! 15/06/15

Quinns: Good news everyone! This morning I wrote 1,000 words of Games News in the SU&SD backend and then accidentally hit Ctrl+F5, erasing it from existence.

Writing it all again would be heartbreaking, so I turn to you guys, the best community in the business. I’m going to link to six stories, and if one of you wants to write it up in an informative yet funny SU&SD style, just do so in a comment and I’ll paste you into the article proper and attribute it with your handle!

Try not to put us to shame, and GOOD LUCK!

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Games News! 08/06/15

Call of Cthulhu

Paul: So I’ve been looking at the Games News Style Guide don’t like the idea of Games News “coming at you” because that gives me the impression of some sort of oncoming, impending, unstoppable, inevitable, colossus of a thing that rolls through your front door. You know, sort of like…

Quinns: A monster? A disaster?

Paul: Right. And I don’t want people to associate us with disasters.

Quinns: No, I want Games News to be the opposite of a disaster. What’s the opposite of a disaster? A… a balm. I want Games News to be a sort of gentle, soothing, relaxing experience. I want Games News to be something you can rub all over your body to make your day infinitely better. Yeah, that’s right. So, with that in mind, let’s give our readers things they would just love to smear all over themselves. Like these Mage Wars tiles.

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Games News! 26/05/15

Shogun Big Box

Quinns: Paul, I’ve got great news!

Paul: Russia’s pulling out of Ukraine?

Quinns: No, I… we got an email from a reader called Timothy Meyer. He says-

Paul: The Western Black Rhino is no longer extinct?

Quinns: STOP IT he heard from Ystari customer service that the legendary Consulting Detective expansions, previously available only in French, will be arriving in English in January 2016!

New cases are coming! Don’t bury your copies of the phenomenal Sherlock Holmes game just yet.

Paul: I have taken a lot of medicine in a huge overreaction for what might be a very mild cold so let’s do this how could this news possibly go wrong there was caffeine in those painkillers I am so up for this let’s-

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Games News! 18/05/15

Evolution

Paul: Hello! Welcome to our Games News! Thanks for taking the time to look around. If you’ll step this way, we’ll show you why we think this Games News is not only one of the most exciting there is, but why it’s a Games News that’s perfect for you.

Quinns: We’re all really excited about Games News here. Come this way, just put your umbrella in the rack. Stepping into the vestibule, we can see what is arguably the centrepiece of this wonderful and unique Games News.

Paul: Arguably.

Quinns: Arguably.

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Games News! 11/05/15

Design Town

[Begin SU&SD black box transcript for “Games News Dialogue: 11th May 2015.” Recovered by crews at 9:17am.]

[Recording begins, some sound of birdsong and footsteps.]

Quinns: PAUL. PAUL. WAKE UP.

Paul: OH GOD WHAT IS THE HOUSE ON FIRE.

Quinns: Paul I know what-

Paul: DON’T COME IN HERE. Just tell me from behind the door.

Quinns: Paul, I know what you like most of all!

Paul: And what is that?

Quinns: Wrestling!

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