News 27 - Shut Up & Sit Down

Games News! 12/05/14

Quinns: Good evening board-babies! Welcome to a sexy, late-nite edition of the news, posted two whole hours later than usual because I was doing my laundry. Oh, yeah. Mmm. Give it to me! This one goes out to that very special lady at the laundry place. The one with the knees that go all the way round.

We begin with a double-bill of new card games with “Shinobi” in the title. I’ve got a lot of time for shinobis because, like me, they’re smooth operators who move with skill and grace in the dead of night*. First off is Shinobi Clans (box art above left, same card above right), a game of dispatching ninjas to protect, assassinate or even equip vulnerable dignitaries. But before we get to that, can I just comment on how much blood is on the cover?! It’s like a pipe burst. I can only conclude that the accompanying shinobi is hoisting that helmet out of harm’s way.

What a sensible shinobi. I’d want him in my clan.

Quinns: I used Uber for the first time last night, which is a great service if you want your life to stop making sense. Summoning a car out of the ether like a fat metal pokémon? Chatting to the driver and getting a five star rating as a passenger? Madness. Naturally, my thoughts this morning are all polite chauffeurs and luxurious leather interiors, so I’d like to invite you all into the Games News Taxi.

‘Ello there! Where you off to? Kickstarter Plaza, is it? Lot of dodgy blokes down there, mate. Lot of chancers. You look like a classy sort, not that it ain’t not none of my business, mate.

Oh, look up there! That’s La Nuit du Grand Poulpe, that is. It’s comes out in English later this year. Normally I feel funny about all these foreign games coming along, taking our shelf space, but I wouldn’t mind if they all looked this good, eh! Wouldn’t mind having a rummage around her inlay.

Quinns: No question what story we’ve got to lead with. Esteemed French board game developer Bruno Faidutti, developer of such silly yet sharp games as Mascarade and Red November, has released the above image on his blog.

A prototype of a game he calls “Emotion”, we know absolutely nothing about it, but look at it! Note the stopwatch around Bruno’s neck. The anguish he’s conveying. The disdain on the woman’s face. It’s either the game we were born to review, or the one that’ll kill us.

The same post informs us that Formula E, his gorgeous-looking elephant racing game, is almost upon us. How could we not love Monsieur Faidutti? You want emotions, he’s got ’em. You want elephants, he can provide. You want something else? Stop being so picky c’mon elephants are good and so are emotions

Quinns: Are you enjoying your Easter break? Did you have an egg hunt? I’m doing an egg hunt right now! Except instead of eggs it’s news, and instead of chocolate there are no eggs. I mean, no news.

But like Jesus, I’ve got a plan! This week we’ll look at the top six games on BoardGameGeek’s “hotness” sidebar, which shows the games that users have been clicking on the most. Like Easter chocolate, this will be initially exciting, slightly tasteless, and maybe just a bit sickening.

Quinns: We’ve got lots of exciting announcements to get through today, but our lead story has to be the announcement of Body Party. Say it with me now! BODY PARTY! Don’t those words drip with possibility and shame?

The design debut of none other than W. Eric Martin of the BoardGameGeek News blog (to which our own Games News owes quite the debt), Body Party challenges teams of players to hold more and more cards between various body parts.

Imagine it. It’s match point. The air is pungent with adrenaline and hormones. A card is revealed. To win, you’ll need to press it to your friend’s back using your… thigh? But your hand is already pressing another card to your friend’s chest! So you all shuffle into position, and you win the game for your team, kneeling above your friends like a sweaty colossus.

Quinns: What a weekend! Tabletop Day, then a Netrunner tournament. I feel a sense of… union with the cardboardverse. Hang on, I’m having the strangest thoughts… Could it be? Is the games news coming to me?

I see a man… I see Ted Alspach, designer of the incredible Suburbia and One Night Werewolf. He’s announcing his new game! Castles of Mad King Ludwig will still have players laying tiles, but now sleepy suburbs are swapped for the colourful castles for real-life king Ludwig II.

I can also see that this very second, Ted is eating a burger with a knife and fork. Really, dude? C’mon. Cut that out.

Quinns: How is everybody? Are we all recovered from the biblical deluge that was last week’s news? I saw one of you got a token right in the eye, so I hope this week will be a little more sedate *is passed piece of paper* OH COME ON

Alright, then! Let’s get through this. Fantasy Flight has announced a new, English language edition of The Last Banquet (seen above). A feast of a game, The Last Banquet sits between 6 and 25 players, who (depending on their team and the scenario) will try and manipulate everybody’s seating positions. Like a kind of… turn-based musical chairs, with added poison?

Quinns: Guys. GUYS. Before I went to bed last night I said a little prayer to the Gods of Gaming. I asked for a very special game to be announced.

I wanted a game from Bruno Cathala, the designer of Shadows Over Camelot and Cyclades, where the players all control wizened undersea lords. A game of politicking and pushing your luck, where you can ally with crabs, control the algae trade and stockpile pearls. A game with beautiful art that’s at once ridiculous, otherworldly and beautiful.

YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED.

Quinns: It’s still Simplicity Week here at SU&SD! While I have no control over what the news is (such things are beyond the grasp of mere mortals, like the weather or burning oven pizzas), I will be rating each news story on how wonderfully simple it manages to be.

Our top story is the announcement of Lords of Xidit! Seen above, this is a re-invention of award-winning 2002 release Himalaya, set in the universe of Seasons. They are taking a game about managing yak caravans, and turning it into a game where you play an Idrakys in the realm of Xidit working together but also competing to fight The Black Southern Host while hiring bards and not forgetting to build sorcerer’s guilds.

SIMPLICITY RATING: An abomination, burn it with fire.

Quinns: Good morning, my mewling clutch of board-kittens! You look adorable! Alas, I know your secret. If you don’t get your weekly games news, you’ll become a snapping, thrashing pit of board-gators, keen to rend my body like so much gory blu-tac.

I’m quite attached to my body (specifically, by my skeleton) so let’s get you your news. It’s the 100th anniversary of the Panama Canal, and Stronghold Games has announced PANAMAX, a board game of managing shipping companies located in the Free Zone of Colon. An area I thought was to be found nnnnnnno apparently I have too much moral fortitude to make that particular joke about Paul’s mum.

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