SU&SD - Shut Up & Sit Down

Review: Paradise Fallen & Yardmaster

Pip: Brendan, you know that thing when your parents ask you to look after their plants or cats or whatever while they go on holiday and suddenly the crushing weight of responsibility and not abusing the access you suddenly have to the wine cupboard rests heavy on your shoulders?

Brendan: I have heard of this feeling.

Pip: Is that what’s happened with Shut Up and Sit Down with Paul in the US and Quinns off in Bali? And now we have to water the board games and take the cards to the vet?

Brendan: What? What are you doing with that watering can? Get away from the board games! Oh God, what have you done? Everything is all… mushy.

Pip: No no, it’s fine, there are two left! Yardmaster and Paradise Fallen. We can still do a review of these and Paul won’t do his disappointed face at us.

Brendan: I hate Paul’s disappointed face. It looks like Gary Oldman. Still, it’s kind of wet and cold in here now.

Pip: Pub?

Paul: Oh dear. Oh dear. Well, yes, I’ll be honest with you, your injuries are serious, but with the expert care of the Games News Paramedics, we can save you. In fact, we can rebuild you.

You’ll need extensive work. It’ll be a long stay. I suppose the first move would be to replace all the blood you’ve lost, so I’m pumping your circulatory system full of the Second Edition of Funemployed. That’ll perk you right up. Are you ready?

We're making changes to subscriptions and the Gold Club!

Paul: If you’re a Gold Club member or donor, first of all, let us again say thank you for your support. Thank you! You are terrific and you’ve made us sustainable and better as a site, as well as happier and much less stressed as people. You’ve enabled an awful lot of fantastic things to happen with and to Shut Up & Sit Down.

It’s been a while since we last billed our subscribers. We’re going to be doing it again at the start of December, but on a different, monthly schedule. We wanted to make sure you knew what was happening beforehand as a) you might be surprised to be billed for the first time in a while and b) you might also wonder why we stopped in the first place.

Paul: Hello, viewers, and welcome to another edition of Games News! On this week’s show, our contestants are Sven, Lucia and Juanita! Let’s also welcome back Henry, who is returning from last week’s show mostly intact. Wave your stumps, Henry!

All right, everyone, you know how the show goes. Let’s get things started with the Quickfire Round! First question: What’s the new game from Love Letter creator Seiji Kanai that we should be getting all amorous about?

Quinns: A lot of people come up to me and ask “Quinns, what’s the secret? How do you always have amazing stories for the Games News?” And I swing my Armani shoes up onto the desk, light a cigar, and I tell ’em “Well, I start by checking blogs. Basically you… you check some blogs. Is that coffee ready yet?”

Our cover game (seen above) is the absolutely beautiful The Ancient World, which might reach shops just before Christmas. Remember 8 Minute Empire, that lovely little area control game we reviewed? The Ancient World is designer Ryan Laukat’s next game. It tasks you with developing a pretty little civilisation, while finding time to slay the terrible titans striding the earth.

Dare you to take one look at what a completed city looks like and not be 100% sold on this game.

Brendan: Dog Eat Dog is one of those rare games we come across that do not necessarily have ‘fun’ as the end goal but, like Freedom: The Underground Railroad, try to impart some wisdom on their way through your life. It is thoughtful and intelligent and just a little uncomfortable. It’s a game with a point to make and it makes it worryingly well. If I were to describe it using SUSD’s internal style guide, “Rulez, Regulationz and Ztuff” I would call it an indie RPG about the colonisation of an island and the resultant back ‘n’ forth between ‘native’ and ‘occupier’. But since I already burned my style guide when it suggested I use ‘paragraphz’, I will have to settle for this description:

Dog Eat Dog should be taught in schools.

Quinns: Morning everybody! This week the entire board game industry is rammed into Essen’s convention centre, so the only news story we have is of a new collectible Magic: The Gathering board game! It looks an awful lot like Heroscape but less interesting. Mike said it best: “Monochromatic miniatures, poor terrain, and absolutely no chance that a dinosaur will eat a robot while an army man watches.”

If you’re interested in the details then Board Game Geek has already uploaded a comprehensive Essen preview video, but I’m unconvinced. I want to revisit Magic: The Gathering like I want to revisit puberty.

Speaking of which, as we don’t have any more news this week why don’t I share my sad story of playing Magic when I was a kid? Take a seat. Or if you’re at work, slide your wheely chair a little closer to your PC, creating a calming snugness between your thighs and your desk. It’s almost like being in bed.

Quinns: Morning everybody! Can you feel it? Halloween has officially begun. Yesterday Paul and I recorded a spooky podcast announcing the game we’ll review at the end of the month, and in the evening I went to see long-running London play Ghost Stories. Which, if you’ve got a free evening in our city and felt like peeing yourself a little bit, I can’t recommend highly enough.

So naturally we begin our news with forthcoming board game Planes! Scariest of all the modes of transport. Imagine opening your bedroom curtains at night and seeing a plane right there, staring in at you! It doesn’t bear thinking about.

Quinns: Pip, can I tell you about my favourite moment in our game of Illegal?

Pip: Go on then.

Quinns: It was when I crossed the living room to see you and Paul conducting the worst drug deal ever. “Do you want a drug?” he asked, in the embarrassed tones of someone asking if you needed the toilet. “It’s a good drug. It’s good! Do you want a drug, or maybe two?” I was laughing so hard that I ruined your transaction from across the room.

Pip: Maybe that would be a really good strategy if you were a real drug dealer – being so awkward and middle class about it all that the police think it’s a double bluff and don’t bother arresting you.

Quinns: Hang on. Was Paul actually dealing drugs in my house?

Pip: So! Tell us more about Illegal [RUN PAUL, RUN]

Quinns: Good morning everybody! At least, I think it’s morning. Popular new videogame Destiny has afflicted Team SU&SD like a Dinklebot-powered plague. Sleep has become a luxury. Buttocks have fused with beanbag chairs. As I type this my right index finger is continually twitching, still trying to attain headshots on digital aliens. I’m not sure I can remember how to Games News, but I shall try.

Ooh, they’ve released the full rules for the new Space Cadets expansion, Resistance Is Mostly Futile, and it will add a SPACE KRAKEN. Which is probably the only thing that could have made our Let’s Play any more ridiculous.

Review: Paradise Fallen & Yardmaster

Games News! 24/11/14

We’re making changes to subscriptions and the Gold Club!

Games News! 17/11/14

Games News! 03/11/14

Review: Dog Eat Dog

The Magic Position

Games News! 13/10/14

Review: Illegal

Games News! 06/10/14

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