Review: Tokaido: Crossroads

Review: Tokaido: Crossroads

Quinns: Remember our Tokaido review? It should stick in your mind. This was a piquant Antoine Bauza game that dreamt of players hiking along Japan’s East Sea Road, from Kyoto to old Edo, simply trying to have the nicest time.

You collected local handicrafts and soaked in hot springs. You’d arrive at an inn for the night and buy soup with the last two coins in your pocket. Best of all, you could arrive at Tokyo, destitute, with nothing but a handful of cloying sweets to your name, and still end up winning because you’d earned the most wonderful memories. This was a game that lingered in your life and living room, like a scented candle.

Which brings us to Tokaido: Crossroads! An expansion for Tokaido that updates it “for the gamer”. How on earth does that work?

No, wait. I know. It’ll add the yakuza, swords, magic spells and dice-rolling. Ha! Wouldn’t that be funny! Because that’s not going to… happen…

Wait. Why is there a sword on this card. No. NO.

Read More

Review: Ugg-Tect

Review: Ugg-Tect

Paul: A thing you should definitely know about Ugg-Tect is that, the very first time we started playing it, Brendan almost immediately began whacking himself over the head with a large club, really pounding at his own skull with a very singular sort of determination. He was going at it full speed, full strength, and looking at me with a particular sort of sadness in his eyes.

It’s important that I add that Brendan wasn’t wearing any sort of protection when he did this. Yes, the club was only inflatable, I will concede this, but I’m not sure this mattered much given the intensity of his self-inflicted blows. He was grunting one thing over and over again, one thing in the language of Ugg-Tect, and that was “Ignore me.”

Put yourself in my position for a moment. There is a man standing in front of you who is hammering away at his own head with an enormous inflatable weapon, grunting with great insistence that you ignore him. What do you do?

Read More

Review: Blueprints

Review: Blueprints

Industriousness! Caution! Precision! Forethought! Patience! All skills vital to construction work that we don’t have. Surely then, an architecture game that we like must have done something wrong?

Or maybe not. Blueprints is a clean design, constructed by professionals. Does your collection have space for a small game of building tiny little structures, out of dice? Let’s be honest, now. How could it not?

Read More

Review: Jaipur

Review: Jaipur

Brendan: Quinns? QUINNNNS. Where is he? He’s always late. Once again I have five crates of the finest Indian silks sitting in front of me, ready to buy — ready for transport! — and once again I can’t do anything with them because Quinns is late. He’s the one with all the camels! He should know by now to be ready! Where could he be?

Quinns [panting]: Sorry. Sorry! Whoo. Sorry.

Brendan: Just tell me you have the camels.

Quinns: Oh no, I traded those camels in ages ago. But don’t worry because – look! We have all these leather rags now.

Brendan: Hang on. Since when do you and I work as merchants in India, perched atop teetering camels, our saddlebags overflowing with rubies and saffron? I mostly remember us uploading penis jokes to the internet.

Quinns: This is a written review of Jaipur, Brendan! Anything is possible!

Read More

Review: Snake Oil

Review: Snake Oil

Brendan: Hey, Paul. Would you like to buy some of this?

Paul: What is it?

Brendan: It’s Snake Oil. It is made from snakes and it is an incredibly potent remedy for all sorts of ailments, from headaches to baldness.

Paul: I’ll take ten!

Brendan: But wait because all is not as it seems. You see –

Paul: Twenty!

Brendan: No Paul, because Snake Oil is not actually –

Paul: Just take my wallet, my PIN is 1234! Now give me that!

Brendan: No, Paul, stop! Just listen to me for one second! Come back. I need that box. It’s a board game I’m supposed to review. Paul! Paul? Nope, he’s gone.

Read More

Review: Hey, That’s My Fish!

Review: Hey, That's My Fish!

Paul: Hi Brendan!

Brendan: Paul.

Paul: Would you like to get together and review Hey, That’s My Fish!? I am not incredulous, it’s just that the title of the game ends with an exclamation point and then I wanted to add a question mark because I am asking you, Brendan, a question.

Brendan: What is your question?

Paul: Why is your hood up? I am asking you this question to highlight that your hood is up because our readers, at home, cannot see how you have decided to array your attire.

Brendan: My hood is up because it is cold. It is cold because we have been playing Hey, That’s My Fish, which is a game set on some melting ice. Melting, probably from global warming, but still cold.

Paul: That’s good! Because I just asked you if you wanted to review it would you get with the program please okay I’m going to insert a page break and we’re getting down to this and I want a lot less of your attitude today because frankly-

Read More

Review(s): Machi Koro Vs. Splendor

Review(s): Machi Koro Vs. Splendor

So many games feature dice, but so few capture the thrill of gambling. Why is that?

The answer is, of course, to just buy Machi Koro and shout “WHO CARES!” right in your friend’s face while buying a fourth bakery. Though if you’re looking for a dazzling little economic card game for 2-4 players, we’ve also taken a look at Splendor… and a look back over our shoulder at Mundus Novus.

Wow! On reflection, we really do make your lives difficult, don’t we?

Read More

SU&SD Play… Wiz-War and Malefic Curses!

SU&SD Play... Wiz-War and Malefic Curses!

You there! Browsing the internet without a care in the world. Don’t you know there’s a war on?!

…It was a Wiz-War, technically, and it took place this week in Quinns’ flat, but still! Show some respect. This venerable old game was originally released in the 1980s, and the new, eighth edition is a cardboard monument to EVERYTHING that was wrong, and right, with game design at the time.

It’s complex, yet stupid. Competitive, yet unfair. But with the right people? There’s a very real magic to it, and that’s why we had to film this video. Plus, it was a chance to test the new expansion, Wiz-War: Malefic Curses.

WARNING: This is unquestionably the most swearing we’ve ever had in a video. Sensitive viewers? You may want to wear ear muffs.

Read More

Review: Rampage

Review: Rampage

Quinns: A lot of you guys said you were really excited about Rampage, and it’s easy to see why. A game of destroying a real-life three dimensional city? AND enjoy misadventures with real-life spit? Sold!

I just gave my review to the mighty Eurogamer. It starts like this…

In Rampage, everybody plays a big, stompy kaiju monster, and the game ends when you’ve all levelled a town. Like a board game from the ’80s (think of the merciless TV advertising, the photogenic kids shouting and high-fiving), a game of Rampage starts by offering you an immaculate, three-dimensional city, and wants you to delight in knocking it over. At the end of the game, the player who caused the most destruction to the city, its inhabitants and the other monsters is the winner.

And then, like the lashing of a great monster tail, the review goes on to have not one, but TWO separate twists. Go have a read, people! And definitely don’t write this one off as too silly for you. It has a lizard brain to it, full of animal cunning.

Read More

The Opener: Skull & Roses with Fresh Pizza

The Opener: Skull & Roses with Fresh Pizza

We end Simplicity Week with a bang, and the bang in question comes from you executing your friends, one after another.

Skull & Roses is the game Matt’s reviewing here, although throughout the review he calls it Skulls and Roses, and actually, the new, gorgeous edition is just called “Skull”.

But never mind our charming incompetence! This isn’t just one of the simplest games we’ve ever played. It’s one of our favourite games, period. And just to make sure your friends come over and get involved, Matt’s also going to teach you the single darkest secret known to SU&SD. How to “make” “pizza”.

But what if I were to tell you that for the next Opener, we’re planning something even better? Ah, it’s a good time to be a board gamer. A very good time.

Read More

Shutupshow Tweets

Beyond The Sun! Betwixt The Stars! Sidled up to the Big Spooky Space! This week’s video review sees a futuristic techno-odyssey like no other with our Tom so very far from home - he’s managed to get himself into an entirely different room! Unbelievable. shutupandsitdown.com/videos/r…

About 13 hours ago from Shut Up & Sit Down's Twitter via Twitter Web App