Shut Up & Sit Down

Games News! 28/10/13

babies

The Shut Up & Sit Down Supercomputer: Greetings, organic viewing entities. According to my calculations, your level of pleasure will see measurable increase if I transmit to you “Games News” written in the style of the late Quintin Smith and Paul Dean. Data analysis suggests their loss was a sad one. Projections suggest that, in time, they could be adequately replaced if we manufacture enough babies.

Babies.

In the meantime I shall accurately simulate their behaviours using precisely calculated projections.

Paul: First on our babies news: Recently reviewed magical board game Seasons has a baby coming, in the form of the expansion Path of Destiny.

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Review: Seasons

where crystals come from, dribbling disasters, lewisham, necromancy, wizards

Apologies for all the murder that’s been going on this week. It’s very inconvenient. Can Seasons, a game of great wizardy, set things right, or is there only worse to come?

We’re also proud to present the return of Boardgaming with Brendan, and our long-awaited concept review of Dominant Species! Maybe not having Quinns around isn’t so bad after all.

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Thank you!

thanks, thank you, gratitude, appreciation

Donors, supporters and subscribers, we want to thank you all. This week, Shut Up & Sit Down reached its funding goal. It hasn’t taken us very long to get there and, quite frankly, we’re bowled over by your enthusiasm and your encouragement. Many of you haven’t just donated, you’ve subscribed, meaning your continued pledges will make an enormous difference to us and to the time that we can give to SUSD.

We’re already thinking about stretch goals and what else we can offer. Don’t forget that, if you’ve pledged to us, we’re keen to hear your feedback on where you want us to focus. In the meantime, we’ll keep on doing what we’re doing, under the watchful eye of our all-powerful boss, Reference Pear.

Thank you again, all of you. You’ve made us feel very special.

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Review: Sekigahara

Garden of Tranquility, fish fingers, Grasshopper, vengeful ghost

Paul: Matt, of all the things I might expect to find in the center of your house, a tranquil Japanese water garden wasn’t high on the list.

Thrower: An old, silent pond. A frog jumps into the pond. Splash! Silence again.

Paul: What? Where? I don’t see any frogs. I hate frogs. I had an experience once as a child where, in my shorts, I f-

Thrower: It’s a haiku, you great galumphing gajin. This is my garden of tranquility where I retreat occasionally, from the furious violence of my day-to-day life, to meditate. Some people find peace and focus in the ancient game of Go. But personally I find it intensely pointless and profoundly annoying. So instead I’m playing its nearest wargame equivalent, Sekigahara.

Paul: Oh, bless you. Here’s a handkerchief.

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Games News! 21/10/13

Woodlice, Have some linguini, Romulan Minicab, it's not a TARDIS

Paul: Ah yes, the games news chair. Easier to slip into than I first thought and… still warm? OH HELLO, I didn’t see you all there. Come in. Have some linguini.

Things are a little bit quieter on the games news front this week, no doubt because the industry as a whole is taking a deep breath and preparing to exhale all its most exciting announcements at Spiel 2013, that grandest of board gaming fairs, only four days hence. Still, I’ve spent my day grabbing every publisher in turn and shaking them until something exciting fell out. Here’s what I picked up off the floor. A respectful nod must also be given to both the exhaustive BGG News blog and also the fine Meople’s Magazine, both of whom we’ve turned to for help with our news.

So, let’s start with a very nice story indeed.

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The Halloween Special, 2013

quinns?, Mary Jane Kelly, Catherine Eddowes, Elizabeth Stride, Mary Ann Nichols

Halloween is close, now. Can you feel it? The sticky breath on the back of your neck? The bony hand on your thigh when all the lights are out? Getting higher… and higher…

Following on from Matt’s suggestion of Werewolf last week, Paul and Quinns are offering a couple more creepy gaming suggestions. Including one board game of a real life monster.

Happy Halloween, everybody. Stay safe.

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Review: DreadBall

surly neck-breakers, ridiculous fickles, proper sports, scrotums, scrotii?

[Everybody, please give a warm welcome to Matt Drake of stellar review site Drake’s Flames. Matt’s going to be dropping by from time to time with reviews of giddier board games than we usually cover- think miniatures, dice and prolonged whooping.

In other words, it’s his job to make sure SU&SD doesn’t disappear up its own bottom. Take it away, Matt!]

In the future, sporting events will be part displays of athletic prowess and part gladiator death matches. You will be able to watch your favorite player dodge past the defense to score a magnificent shot on the goal, and then you can watch your OTHER favorite player grab that first guy by the scrotum and throw him like a frisbee. This sport of the future will be called DreadBall, and it will be awesome.

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Games News! 14/10/13

fluffy rice, baby vampires, lost tourists, breathtaking bias, rejection

Quinns: Morning, everbody! Are you well? You will be after reading this week’s instalment of the news, featuring no less than SIX games, every one of which sets my table-gaming soul quivering like a jelly. As always, our news is hand-stolen mostly from the excellent BGG News blog, as well as Meople’s Magazine. A fine internet periodical.

Let’s kick off with the story that Quantum (above) will be arriving in shops very, very soon. What we have here is an elegant-sounding sci-fi game where every die is one player’s ship, and the number of pips it shows is its speed, power and building ability. Very slick! And Fun Forge have draped the thing in lip-smacking artwork.

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Kotaku Article: Top 5 Friendships-Ruiners

beetle roleplay, vengeful ghosts, grumpy pirates, well-used airlocks

Quinns: This month I gave Kotaku a powerful gift. The top 5 board games to play if you want to leave your friendships as cold and laced with poison as old scorpion shells. It starts like this…

“One piece of trivia orbits modern board gaming like a dark, sexy star. Someone who doesn’t really play them will always have heard from their friend, who heard it from another friend, that something like Game of Thrones or Battlestar Galactica is mean it ruins friendships.

“But Game of Thrones? Battlestar Galactica? These are games where the backstabbing and twists of the knife are expected. If you really want to test your friendships, these are the games you should be playing.”

…and rapidly moves on to the five games I think should be handled with care. I’d recommend you all go and peruse my warnings, before it’s too late.

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The Opener: Ultimate Werewolf & Chilli Con Carne

repulsive yet capable liars, chilli, spooky times, wheely chairs

With Halloween just around the corner (or, as we call it here in England, “All Hallow’s Ween”), we’re very proud to present part 1 of our spooktacular gaming suggestions! Neatly reviewed in time for you to place and receive your order in time for the sexiest night of the year. Or was that Pancake Tuesday?

Anyway, to begin with, what could be simpler, safer or spookier than an evening of Ultimate Werewolf? Just you, a big pot of chilli, and between 4 and 60 of your closest friends.

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