Shut Up & Sit Down

Games News! 09/12/13

crunchy toast, coin spew, cuboid vikings, dirty bombs, nanogames

Quinns: Hello! Is it time for Games News? I feel so jetlagged that this is quite likely to be a terrible dream. Any second I’ll wake up still on the plane, one of my eyes gummed shut, the overweight man on my right having spilled an entire vodka miniature in my crotch.

Best to just enjoy this reality while it lasts, with its crunchy toast, hot coffee and board game news.

First up is the mighty Eurogamer, which has published a couple of articles about Chess 2 and Pandante, games that attempt to “fix” chess and poker, respectively.

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Review: Cutthroat Caverns

minotaurs, enemas, bad tea, quinns' netrunner tips

Would you like to come on an ADVENTURE? Get some treasure, some glory, back home in time for tea?

So you’ll come? …What’s that? Oh, nowhere special. Just the Cutthroat Caverns. No! Come back! It’s only a name!

What about you, dear reader? Will you join us? If you’re brave enough, you’ll see there’s an awful lot of fun to be had in those dingy, treacherous caverns. Assuming you’re just a bit of a jerk.

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Podcast #12: Quinns’ Holiday Crush

elijah wood, number six, twelfthlthl, are all board games awful?

Our very TWELFTH podcast has arrived! Twelfth doesn’t look like a proper word, does it? Twelfth. What are all those consonants doing? It sounds like a Lovecraft monster. So: Quinns is back from Board Game Geek con, and he’s fit to BURST with news of Nordic LARP, sinister physical games and a board game designer … Read more

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The Shut Up & Sit Down Community Guidelines

a serious post

Paul: Hi everyone.

We wanted to take a moment, between videos where we fall over and lewd reviews of bean-trading games, to set out some community guidelines.

We want this to be a safe, friendly, welcoming space for everyone. That means we’re queer-friendly. We won’t tolerate sexism, racism, bigotry, or any form of hate speech.

We’re so proud of our community. You’ve been fantastic, supportive, intelligent and contributed so much. Don’t see this as us saying we’re unhappy with you guys, only that Shut Up & Sit Down is growing faster than ever. It’s important to us that we set the tone and that everyone who comes here feels comfortable. You can help with that and, indeed, you already have. So much.

Quinns: Paul and I work in games media, but we’ve never seen a community as kind and respectful as you guys. Respect! On the internet! It’s a rare thing, and something we’ll be working to protect in our comments from here on.

If anything should bother you, please do email the contact address at the bottom of the site. That’ll reach us. Oh, and you’ll only need to stay shivering out in the comments for a bit longer. Your forum will be ready in the new year.

Thanks, everyone!

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Games News! 2/12/13

asers, neolithic negotiation, unsavoury products

Paul: December arrives, and with it comes a large, old man dressed in red, banging on my door after midnight with one leather-gloved fist while another tightly clutches a ragged cloth sack that smells of old skin. The crazy hours I keep means I can’t begin to claim was anywhere near asleep, but as I hold open the door to let in the moonlight, the winter air and the sight of his craggy, crumpled face, I sourly ask him what he wants and what’s in the bag.

He strikes me across the bridge of the nose with the butt of a concealed weapon. “GAMES NEWS,” he bellows, his voice heavy with rum. I wake up tied to a chair in my living room. The man rants as he paces back and forth, my head throbbing in time with every syllable.

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An apology, a look back at an old review, a breakfast calzone

Review: 1960: The Making of the President

[We’re very sorry. Unfortunately, this week, we’re not able to give you a new video. We were planning to post another Opener, one of Matt’s friendly introductions to both gaming and cooking, but circumstances have thrown us, as Matt explains:] Matt: Hello there, Openerererers! I’m sad to say that this month’s unlikely blend of a … Read more

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Review: 1960: The Making of the President

Paul knows there aren't 52 states, A speedbump, or are there?, breakfast, (There aren't)

[We’re very sorry.

Unfortunately, this week, we’re not able to give you a new video. We were planning to post another Opener, one of Matt’s friendly introductions to both gaming and cooking, but circumstances have thrown us, as Matt explains:]

Matt: Hello there, Openerererers! I’m sad to say that this month’s unlikely blend of a board game review & cookery lesson has been slapped in the chops by recent events involving an awful internet misogynist. Everything is perfectly A-OK and fine, but sadly I haven’t had the time or the energy to make an Opener that I’m happy to share with you lovely sorts. The positive feedback I’ve had for the show so far has been lovely, and I’ll be back on track in no time at all. Sorry to have hit an irritating speedbump, and I’ll see you all inside my creepy cardboard box soon. In the meantime, here’s one of SU&SD’s least well-known reviews and, for good measure, a video of me attempting to make a full English breakfast calzone as part of a misguided bet.

[Our apologies for not being able to deliver. We tried to see if we could rush a replacement, but Paul is hosting a flat-full of guests all week and Quinns is away in the US. We hope that those of you who haven’t seen our sepia-toned, studio-style review of 1960: The Making of the President enjoy it. We’ll be back on schedule next week.]

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Review: Pathfinder Adventure Card Game

Oh no! A bunyip!, flaming ass, built-in bidets, it's not as scatological as these tags suggest

[Order, order. All rise for his honour Matt Drake, who returns to us once again with another review, this time of a game that’s gaining quite the reputation around these parts. Is such a reputation deserved? Well, Mr. Drake has a few things to say. Please, take your seats and remain quiet while the review is in progress.]

The Pathfinder Adventure Card Game came out a couple months ago, and the internet has been a-go-go with praise. I have read glowing reviews, had friends tell me it was simply amazing and heard people compare it to solid-gold toilets with built-in bidets. (I made up that toilet thing. I don’t actually know anyone who thinks a gold toilet would be a good idea.)

Well, allow me to retort.

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The Top 3 Games From BoardGameGeek Con

broken teeth, quinns cold shot a man, naiads, dryads, furious cubes

Quinns: Good news, everybody! This month I was flown to America to talk at NYU’s unparallelled Practice conference, which meant it was only a cheap flight to Texas’s BoardGameGeek convention. I’d never been to a real-life American board game con, and it was full of surprises!

I picked up my badge and gun at the registration desk on the Thursday. As a first timer, I was only entitled to a Colt Single Action Army, but I wasn’t looking for trouble. I was looking for the best board games that were available to play here in the USA for the very first time. Stepping through the revolving doors, I tipped my hat at a table of strangers, and sat down for a game of Rampage.

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Games News! 25/11/13

Paul: Hacking my way through the games news jungle this month, I’ve parted the thick, oily leaves to reveal great swathes of forgotten expansions, many of them lost beneath the undergrowth. As birds of paradise call out, as creatures of the wild scream to one another from the treetops, I see that the sun is setting. Come, time is short. We’ll have to make camp here.

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