We're here now, and we're finally answering all the important questions. Is it as good as the TV series? Have any of us actually seen the TV series? And who is Spartacus?
What? She looks old?! Could you have some respect? Yes, she’s old. She was released in 1995, but she’s still for sale today because she’s a classic. She’s also one of my favourite games, and you’re going to listen as I tell you why. No, you can’t go to bed. Sit down. You might learn a thing or two. No you can’t have a glass of water. You screwed that up.
The thing is, we’re covering a lot of flashy games these days. Games of neon dice, plastic warriors, of mechanics so thick and layered as to resemble some glutinous design lasagne.
I like El Grande because it knows you don’t need any of that to be grand. It has almost royal quality you won’t find in any of this cardboard pomp.
The BIG news this week is that the 2013 nominees for the German Spiel des Jahres prize have been announced. This is hot business, as the winner will go on to sell some 300,000 to 500,000 copies. Absorb that figure. Now, here's another one- many of the board games we look at will never break five figures.
These nominees are... well, I mean, you've probably noticed they're sat at the top of the post. Spoiler!
So what will Quinns make of Star Wars: The Card Game? How will it compare to the new X-Wing Miniatures Game (our old review of which is here)? Who's this Dark Side Quinns? And hang on what HELL is going on with THAT ENDING
QUINNS. WE NEED TO HAVE WORDS.
Paul: Matt? Hi! No-one answered the door so I let myself in.
Matt: You tried to find your way through the house by yourself? God forbid if I’d forgotten to lock the basement.
Paul: What? Wait, what’s this room?
Matt: The library. Look here. These books have all tried to capture the experience of the front-line soldier. An extreme example of the human condition. Seeing one’s friends dismembered in the most appalling ways imaginable on a daily basis.
Matt: Fascinating, yes. But it turns out all that research and writing was something of a waste of time. All they had to do was play this game, here: Combat Commander. It's absolutely incredible, and more than a little blood-curdling.
But let's speak of something EXCITING! Eight-Minute Empire, pictured above, looks wicked. It's a racecar-fast area control game where players simply take turns to select a card, develop their control of a board, and expel a winner from their midst. It was Kickstarted earlier this year, and is currently sat in the middle of a tiny hype-tornado.
Now, check this out! The standalone sequel, Eight-Minute Empire: Legends, is on Kickstarter already! It's already broken its goal with the series' characteristic speed, so that's a very reasonable place for your money to go this week.
Ladies & Gentlemen is a team game about Victorian women shopping furiously for a glamorous ball, as well as the husbands they command like so many nervous ponies. How angry could you get about an imaginary dress? You're wrong. You're so wrong.
Matt also suggests you make scones, which are apparently the adorable training wheels of the baking world. We wouldn't know. Our oven's been broken since Paul baked Talisman that one time.
Antoine Bauza is one such designer deserving of our erections and you may well have seen us talking excitedly about two of his games before. We’re big fans of the co-op spirit-buster that is Ghost Stories and way, way back in our fourth episode we reviewed 7 Wonders, a fantastic city-building card game that’s brilliant for both beginners and even the most jaded of experienced players. Antoine has a fine pedigree.
Quinns: And now we've got Tokaido, a lush, luminous and lovely game that’s about nothing more than taking a long walk across Japan.
Paul: And spoiling that walk for everyone else.
Above you'll see the forthcoming Wave Three ships for the X-Wing Miniatures game. According to my tome of Star Wars apocrapha, they're... hang on, the pages are stuck together. Paul must be on the milkshakes again. OK we've got the deadly B-Wing and Kyle Katarn's own HWK-290 for the Rebels, and a TIE Bomber and Lamba-class shuttle for the Imperials. Oh, I guess I could have just read the press release. Hmm.
This is our review of City of Remnants, a wonderful new release that lets you and your friends duke it out over a fallen city. It's a veritable ball pen full of drugs, robots, guns and grenades.
We're not going to lie. The most remarkable thing in the video is Quinns claiming he grew up "on the streets". AGAIN. What's wrong with him?