Shut Up & Sit Down

Impressions: Mage Wars

Don Draper, UN aid boardgames, mana pudding, Quinns And Bat

Quinns: Readers, viewers, assorted junkies of SU&SD, I’m SORRY.

Mage Wars came out last year. I heard it was stunning, but seeing its box in my local game shop, with its non-standard dimensions and underwhelming logo, I was warded away like a vampire. Hsss!

If you’re going to ask me to be a wizard, at least give me the style of Summoner Wars. The global scale of Mage Knight. The sense of humour of Wiz-War. Don’t ask me to summon unicorns unironically.

But the praise didn’t stop. This year I heard it was the Dice Tower’s 4th favourite game of all time. Rab, of RPS’s wonderful Cardboard Children column, assured me it was “the real deal.” And oh, yes. Oh, baby. This game’s just wonderful.

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Review: Descent 2nd Edition

Ragnar the Humvee, Paul's Höoke, More sprawl, Spitting teeth

Quinns: oh my god what’s going on where am i

Paul: HELLO.

Quinns: GOD WHAT’S HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE

Paul: So I hear you’ve been playing the new Descent without me.

Quinns: Look I-

Paul: I think it’s time we had a chat, don’t you? Would you like to sit down?

Quinns: I can’t sit down because you’ve amputated my bum and also I’m hanging from a hook.

Paul: Then let us begin.

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Your Primer on… Wargames

that's my tundra, Matt's tender knuckles, pasta maths, sweet'n'screaming

(SU&SD is proud to introduce Matt Thrower, Pro Wargamer, who offered to cover wargames for us. It all sounded a bit suspect, so we sent Brendan to investigate.)

Brendan: Hi. Matt, right?

Matt: Hi there! Come in, come in. Did you have a pleasant journey?

Brendan: I don’t know. What was that waste I had to cross?

Matt: Not now, Brendan. Come with me. The US has declared victory in the war on terror.

Brendan: Right. Wait, what was that? And how do you know my name?

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Review: Mansions of Madness

Monster Vs. Barrier, Center Parcs of Madness, paul what happened in the shed

Quinns: I’ve reviewed Mansions of Madness on the Eurogamer! Anyone interested in just how ambitious a board game can be should read this one. Or anyone interested in a couple of private stories from our gaming table.

“I’ll never forget the time my friend played team psycho Michael McGlen. He idly wandered into a shed, alone, where the Keeper deployed about six cards in a comedic level of bullying. Two turns later Michael ran out of the same shed with a back injury, no shotgun and a crippling fear of the rest of us, whereupon the shed promptly exploded.”

Paul: YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN’T TALK ABOUT THE HORRORSHED.

Quinns is right, though. This is a very strange, but hugely impressive game that everyone should know about, even if it’s just to steer clear. Go read!

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Games news! 01/04/13

sweaty eggs, hungry hungry horses, CARRIER VS. ANXIETY, quinns' breakfast adventures

Good morning, trouble! It’s Monday. The bad news is you’re back at work, but the good news is that so are the world’s board game designers! Imagine them all, staring at blank pieces of paper, perspiring faintly like chickens trying to birth unnaturally large eggs.

We start with Plaid Hat Games, who’ve just let slip a wad of information on their upcoming BioShock Infinite board game, The Siege of Columbia, AND have begun accepting pre-orders for $25 off the retail price. But will it be good, or not-good?! We just don’t know. The designer, Isaac Vega, has two games coming this year from Plaid Hat, this and the dramatic-looking (and sounding) City of Remnants, but has yet to ship anything. We’ll have to wait and see.

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Welcome!

capitalism, lollipops, sleeping inna toilet

Paul: You got here safely!

All right, everybody quiet down! Girls, your dormitories are over there. Boys, your rooms are still under construction. You’ll be sleeping in the… toilets? That can’t be right.

If anyone had any questions, we answer them in an FAQ after the jump.

You’re making the jump? Okay, hold on. Not to me.

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SU&SD play… The Resistance: Avalon

Pipp's chest of wonder, good lying Matt, flippe chartes

We can’t get enough of The Resistance. We’d mainline it if we could. It’s a perfect game that cuts a table full of people into ignorant heroes and traitorous spies. All the good guys need to do is send three teams on three succesful missions, which is tricky… because the spies know who one another are.

It’s a game better seen than explained. Only then will you suffocating weight of the lies this game spawns. Here, we’re playing The Resistance: Avalon, a standalone sequel with an Arthurian theme.

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Games news! 25/03/13

stealth grandmas, sneezy themes, Meppyarrwhyyl

Quinns: We’re used to board games testing our brains, reflexes, even our privates. But lungs? That’s a new one.

Enter Antoine Bauza’s Rampage, which should be landing this year. Bauza’s one of our favourite designers here at SU&SD, having crafted 7 Wonders and Ghost Stories, both of which are capable of collapsing your face into deep thought like a strong man might fold a deck chair.

With Rampage, 2-4 players will be dropping their wooden kaiju monsters to crush buildings, blowing on civilians to claim their pathetic lives and even flicking themselves at one another in foul, animal anger. Doesn’t that sound perfect?

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Shut Up & Sit Down Presents: Board Gaming’s Golden Age

brackish milk, wizard!, somebody feed that poor boy

Last year Quinns gave a 40 minute talk at UK video game festival GameCity, designed to teach people about what’s happening in board games and why gamers the world over MUST get involved.

Hear Quinns’ caramel baritone as he provides evidence of why board game sales are rocketing up, three deadly arguments for why video gamers need to be playing board games, and even some jokes. Yes, JOKES.

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Review: Tease

oard games, posin' with the biscuits, sleeve organs, napoleon: the sexy dictator

[Introducing friend of SU&SD and games journalist Leigh Alexander.]

Quinns: So here’s what happened.

Leigh: OK.

Quinns: A while back some SU&SD readers joked that we should review Tease: The Liberating Game for Couples and Groups. I got in touch with the PR

Leigh: Oh, I’ll bet you did.

Quinns: I GOT IN TOUCH WITH THE PR, who said she wasn’t sure they
should send a game to a site that would probably just make fun of it. Which was a fair cop. I just wanted to do a video where four men play Tease and are forced to give one another massages.

Except then they sent me the game anyway! And… it’s… pretty good!

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