Shut Up & Sit Down

Games News! 10/03/14

the wrongest ship, the deadliest briefcase, the gassiest rules, the bulletproof patter

Quinns: Good morning, my mewling clutch of board-kittens! You look adorable! Alas, I know your secret. If you don’t get your weekly games news, you’ll become a snapping, thrashing pit of board-gators, keen to rend my body like so much gory blu-tac.

I’m quite attached to my body (specifically, by my skeleton) so let’s get you your news. It’s the 100th anniversary of the Panama Canal, and Stronghold Games has announced PANAMAX, a board game of managing shipping companies located in the Free Zone of Colon. An area I thought was to be found nnnnnnno apparently I have too much moral fortitude to make that particular joke about Paul’s mum.

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Podcast #14: That Heart-Restarting Moment

accursed coins, blood maths, entombed robots, nice books, steam war

The Shut Up & Sit Down podcast has been sighted again! Quickly, catch it before it disappears back into the Thames in search of tasty nutrients. Ah, it’s a fine specimen this time! Paul and Quinns discuss Richard Garfield classic RoboRally, they’re playing Rex again, they’ve found time for Time ‘n’ Space, given a blood … Read more

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Review: Quantum

incredible discoveries, collateral barbecues, space hep cats, rotatey admirals

Arriving like a shimmering meteorite of steely ludic logic, Quantum is landing in shops now! It’s got dice. It’s got spaceships (which are dice). It has scientific research (which is another die). It even models the psychological size of your galactic race as you scream and smash your way around deep space (using, yep, another die).

Is Quantum pushing the boundaries of what dice can do? Or is it just like my one gross uncle who has pickles for every meal? It’s time… for the review.

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Games News! 03/03/14

The tabletop becomes an erogenous zone, I'm a doctor not an escalator, the best possible patient quirky, spectacular capitalism

Paul: Welcome, welcome to Games News. How many of you are there? Just the one, or you might be joined later? Very well, please follow me. Here, is this seat by the window acceptable? Excellent.

Today’s specials include a particularly unusual video, a wide selection of Kickstarters, some very special special editions and a veal with nut roast. Ah, I see you’re interested in the Space Cadets buffet, a smorgasbord of space chaos. Let me recommend you an excellent wine to go with that.

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Sadness: Today’s Video is Delayed.

ackt, blec, no-oo, disease, what did i ever do to the flu, what a jerk

Quinns: Sorry everybody! We were ready to give you a powerful review of Quantum today, but I’m currently in bed making noises like “ackt” and “no-oo”, having been struck down by the flu.

Instead, why not cosy up with Netflix and watch Primer? It’s not SU&SD, but it is my favourite movie, and at 70 minutes it won’t even take too much of your night. I’m not linking to it because the less you know, the better.

Have a nice weekend, everybody! And thank you so much for your patience.

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Life Hacks: A Netrunner Story

Exploratory Romp, Efficiency Committee, Quality Time, Notoriety, Archived Memories

[Our own Leigh Alexander has been learning Netrunner, which we reviewed here. She found the experience pretty important, and we arrived at this. A long collaborative feature, with comments from Quinns and art from Jesse Turner. Enjoy, everybody.]

Leigh: “I can’t,” I say, and my voice sounds small and far away.

“Yes, you can,” says Quinns across the table. “Just think. You just have to stay calm.”

I have to stay calm, I think, but my body revolts. My guts secede, and warm fingers of shame crawl up my cheeks. Panic knocks gently but insistently at my breastbone. “I can’t,” I say, and it feels true. “I just can’t.”

“Look,” he says, gently. “You can get through this.”

“How,” I say, and there is a genuine tremor, an unhinged note I hear in my own voice and it makes me even angrier.

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Games News! 24/02/14

metaphorical explosions, the bbc, po, grubby sex, the crack of doom, lonely explosions

Quinns: Today’s Games News is brought to you by this endless remix of the BBC News 24 theme, which I’ll be listening to throughout. At the time of writing my friend Alex, who works at the Guardian, has been listening to it for about 40 minutes. “At 28:44 you may experience a feeling of oneness with journalism,” he warns me. “It is a lie.” Everyone who is similarly mad can join me by following that first link.

NOW, our first order of business is to bring “…and then we held hands…” to everyone’s attention. This is a print’n’play game jam project that imagines two players as a couple, struggling through a failing relationship. Imagine a heartbreaking Hanabi where instead of managing a firework display, you’re navigating the metaphorical fireworks of two lovers arguing in an apartment.

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The Opener: Coup & Sweet Potato Fries

no you're not, no you're just a jerk, yes i am are you challenging me, I'm the captain

Like vinyl records or the world’s most cheerful case of herpes, The Opener is BACK! Once again, Matt wants to guide you through the perfect game + recipe to open either your game night, your friends’ minds or your own board game collection. This time it’s Coup, a teeny little game of being a disgraceful liar.

If you’ve missed The Opener until this point, you’re in for a whole selection of treats. We’ve got Mascarade and cheesy twists, Ultimate Werewolf and chilli con carne, Ladies & Gentlemen and homemade scones, and even fire-fighting game Flashpoint and some flaming B-52s.

Shut Up & Sit Down: Working to make board gaming figuratively and literally delicious since 2011.

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Retrospective: Risk Legacy

pizza-slick ammo shortages, grease-stained continents, secret missile compartments, joy

[This is the story of Earth #00001941. It comes to us from American journalist and fan of SU&SD Jacob Tierney, and holds the honour of being the first retrospective to almost make Quinns cry.

The following is spoiler-free. Images courtesy of BoardGameGeek.]

“NOTE: What’s done can never be undone.”

The statement is emblazoned on the sticker that seals every copy of Risk Legacy, forcing you to acknowledge it before you even open the box. It’s a warning, but also a promise. This game will be something completely different.

It was the last week of 2011. My friends and I had chipped in for one of the most-discussed games of recent memory, and we planned to complete it before I returned to college for my final semester the following month.

Completion is a weird concept in board games, which are usually meant to be infinitely replayable. But then, Risk Legacy is all about weird concepts.

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Review: Ghost Panzer

spectral stencils, undead tanks, the chink in the chobham, the bile in the bibliography

Quinns: Heya Matt. What’cha reading?

Matt: It’s Second World War Infantry Tactics by Stephen Bull. An excellent introduction to the infantry doctrine adopted by the antagonists of that famous conflict. I picked it up because it’s listed in the bibliography of this game, Band of Brothers: Ghost Panzer.

Quinns: Oh my god! UNDEAD TANKS?

Matt: …No. Ghost Panzer is the sequel to Band of Brothers: Screaming Eagles which was about the 101st Airborne of televisual fame. This one concerns the exploits of the 11th Panzer on the Eastern Front, and they get their name from the spectral stencil they sprayed on their vehicles. It’s all in the bibliography.

Quinns: A game with a bibliography? It’s not the sexiest of selling points, but what the hell! Let’s play!

Matt: No.

Quinns: What?

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