Review: Terra Mystica

Review: Terra Mystica

Oh my goodness! Terra Mystica is a fantasy building that boasts two achievements: It’s the heaviest box we’ve ever reviewed, and the one to sell out fastest.

Scientists are at a loss to explain this heinous corruption of the laws of physics. Tell you who’s not at a loss, though! The hot boys of Shut Up & Sit Down. After just few plays of this beast, we’re ready to tell you whether we think it lives up to the hype.

(It does.)

(CREDIT CARDS AT THE READY, PEOPLE.)

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Review: Netrunner

Review: Netrunner

Quinns: Finally, after six months of waiting and countless allusions on the podcast,
Android: Netrunner is back in stock and OUR REVIEW IS HERE. Click here to head over to the mighty Eurogamer.

Oh, and what a surprise! It’s the best collectible card game we’ve ever played.

“Here’s a game defined by inescapable tension. Playing as either side, you’re always able to make grim estimates of how far you are from victory, while the other player could win at any point. Worse, even the most lovingly crafted deck will often feel like a second antagonist. Both sides need programs, yes, and events and resources, but you’ll need money for all of those, and so sitting down to play Netrunner absolutely feels like you’ve taken a seat under a sword of Damocles that you’ve fastened there yourself.”

Oooh, yes. We like this one. Go read!

I’m actually playing in a Netrunner tournament with some friends this Sunday. We’ve all agreed not to look online for tips, but I wonder if we had anyone keen to give me NBN tips in the audience… ?

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Review: El Grande

Review: El Grande

Quinns: Hey! You’re up late. Come here, I want to show you something. Isn’t she becautiful? She’s called… “El Grande.”

What? She looks old?! Could you have some respect? Yes, she’s old. She was released in 1995, but she’s still for sale today because she’s a classic. She’s also one of my favourite games, and you’re going to listen as I tell you why. No, you can’t go to bed. Sit down. You might learn a thing or two. No you can’t have a glass of water. You screwed that up.

The thing is, we’re covering a lot of flashy games these days. Games of neon dice, plastic warriors, of mechanics so thick and layered as to resemble some glutinous design lasagne.

I like El Grande because it knows you don’t need any of that to be grand. It has almost royal quality you won’t find in any of this cardboard pomp.

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Review: City of Remnants

Review: City of Remnants

Quickly! Watch this video! We don’t know how long it’ll be until (REDACTED) bring down the feed.

This is our review of City of Remnants, a wonderful new release that lets you and your friends duke it out over a fallen city. It’s a veritable ball pen full of drugs, robots, guns and grenades.

We’re not going to lie. The most remarkable thing in the video is Quinns claiming he grew up “on the streets”. AGAIN. What’s wrong with him?

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Review: Eclipse

Review: Eclipse

Quinns: Perhaps you’re aware of a little game called ECLIPSE? It erupted out of Finland two years ago like some dark alien life-form, intent on devouring the world’s leisure time.

I am proud to say that I have done battle with this alien (is this analogy working?) and my review has JUST THIS MOMENT gone live on Eurogamer. It starts like this:

“This game was 2012’s biggest release, and it couldn’t be more deserved. Eclipse’s masterstroke was in taking a genre with a portentous appeal – claiming star systems, climbing hand over hand up a grandiose tech tree, engaging in HOT LASER DEATH – and compressing it down into just two hours using the same dark Scandinavian genius that brought us flatpacked Ikea furniture.”

…and it continues, using words.

In all seriousness, a lot of people called Eclipse 2012’s single biggest release. If you’re curious, you should absolutely go and have a little read. And then maybe have a little buy. Alright, a big buy.

But let me tell you- this one is absolutely worth it. Any of you guys tried the expansion?

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Review: Archipelago

Review: Archipelago

Splash! Splutter. Cough. You’ve just washed up on the shores of the best game we’ve looked at in ages.

Friends, newcomers, children of all ages, please enjoy this review of the ethically dubious Archipelago. It’s early days, this might end up being our game of 2013. Who knows? If Archipelago teaches us anything, it’s to plan for the future. The future, and also for what you’re going to do with all those sodding pineapples.

Enjoy, guys.

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Review: Mansions of Madness

Review: Mansions of Madness

Quinns: I’ve reviewed Mansions of Madness on the Eurogamer! Anyone interested in just how ambitious a board game can be should read this one. Or anyone interested in a couple of private stories from our gaming table.

“I’ll never forget the time my friend played team psycho Michael McGlen. He idly wandered into a shed, alone, where the Keeper deployed about six cards in a comedic level of bullying. Two turns later Michael ran out of the same shed with a back injury, no shotgun and a crippling fear of the rest of us, whereupon the shed promptly exploded.”

Paul: YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN’T TALK ABOUT THE HORRORSHED.

Quinns is right, though. This is a very strange, but hugely impressive game that everyone should know about, even if it’s just to steer clear. Go read!

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Review: Robinson Crusoe – Adventure on the Cursed Island

Review: Robinson Crusoe - Adventure on the Cursed Island

You know when you buy a game, and you know it’s going to be good?

“This will be a great time,” you announce to your cactus or spouse. “I have been convinced by this game’s art and premise that I will enjoy myself.”

Your coat’s still on. You pick up the phone. “Barry?” You say. “It’s me. Would you like to come over and have a great time?”

I was convinced Robinson Crusoe was the game for me. Guess what!

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Review: The Castles of Burgundy

Review: The Castles of Burgundy

Paul: Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Oh, Jesus! That looks like the lovechild of a maths textbook and hotel room art. I’m not having that in my house.”

Hold on. The Castles of Burgundy, which casts 2-4 players as the holders of estates in medieval France, has the whole board game community bleating with quiet joy. We absolutely had to get hold of a copy and try it out. You know what? I actually think it’s quite special, too, although I appreciate it’s such a placid, thoughtful, deeply European game that it won’t be Quinns’s kind of thing. Still-

Quinns: No, no, I really like it.

Paul: You do?

Quinns: Yeah, it’s excellent.

Paul: But-

Quinns: And here’s why!

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It's a podcast! Matt and Quinns are taking a look at a real game sandwich here; two chunky euros about making money, and one game where you just lob some tiny dice over and over. We're talking about Brick & Mortar, Rush Out, and Furnace... and YR INVITED! shutupandsitdown.com/podcastl…

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