Shut Up & Sit Down

Review: El Grande

Quinns: Hey! You’re up late. Come here, I want to show you something. Isn’t she becautiful? She’s called… “El Grande.”

What? She looks old?! Could you have some respect? Yes, she’s old. She was released in 1995, but she’s still for sale today because she’s a classic. She’s also one of my favourite games, and you’re going to listen as I tell you why. No, you can’t go to bed. Sit down. You might learn a thing or two. No you can’t have a glass of water. You screwed that up.

The thing is, we’re covering a lot of flashy games these days. Games of neon dice, plastic warriors, of mechanics so thick and layered as to resemble some glutinous design lasagne.

I like El Grande because it knows you don’t need any of that to be grand. It has almost royal quality you won’t find in any of this cardboard pomp.

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Games News! 27/05/13

yachts, MONEYBOMBS, inky ignorance, sour mumbling, drifts, molds

Quinns: Where would we be without Board Game Geek News? Ah, such dark questions aren’t fit for such a sunny morning. Much better to locate the nearest croissant and insert it, slowly, into your mouth while enjoying SU&SD’s weekly news roundup.

The BIG news this week is that the 2013 nominees for the German Spiel des Jahres prize have been announced. This is hot business, as the winner will go on to sell some 300,000 to 500,000 copies. Absorb that figure. Now, here’s another one- many of the board games we look at will never break five figures.

These nominees are… well, I mean, you’ve probably noticed they’re sat at the top of the post. Spoiler!

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Review: Star Wars: The Card Game

tea, Dagobah Park, Boba bloody Fett, seriously why can't we be rich

We’re HUGE Star Wars fans here at SU&SD. Phasers! Klingons. The holodeck. We just can’t get enough!

So what will Quinns make of Star Wars: The Card Game? How will it compare to the new X-Wing Miniatures Game (our old review of which is here)? Who’s this Dark Side Quinns? And hang on what HELL is going on with THAT ENDING

QUINNS. WE NEED TO HAVE WORDS.

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Review: Combat Commander

Plutarch, chemical toilets, Paul why did you go back there, Paaauuuul

[We’ve once again dispatched Paul to the home of Matt Thrower, our wargames correspondant. This week he’s reviewing something that sounds… absolutely amazing? That can’t be right.]

Paul: Matt? Hi! No-one answered the door so I let myself in.

Matt: You tried to find your way through the house by yourself? God forbid if I’d forgotten to lock the basement.

Paul: What? Wait, what’s this room?

Matt: The library. Look here. These books have all tried to capture the experience of the front-line soldier. An extreme example of the human condition. Seeing one’s friends dismembered in the most appalling ways imaginable on a daily basis.

Paul: That’s-

Matt: Fascinating, yes. But it turns out all that research and writing was something of a waste of time. All they had to do was play this game, here: Combat Commander. It’s absolutely incredible, and more than a little blood-curdling.

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Games News! 20/05/13

musketeers, greasy bags, plastic fascists, Reiner Knizia's Pyjama Party

Quinns: Sorry to anyone who’s been punching F5, hungry for news. I’ve been in recovery. Paul and I played some new releases yesterday and ALL THREE were disappointing. Halfway through the third we wore the sour expressions of mountain climbers. I think I saw Brendan crying.

But let’s speak of something EXCITING! Eight-Minute Empire, pictured above, looks wicked. It’s a racecar-fast area control game where players simply take turns to select a card, develop their control of a board, and expel a winner from their midst. It was Kickstarted earlier this year, and is currently sat in the middle of a tiny hype-tornado.

Now, check this out! The standalone sequel, Eight-Minute Empire: Legends, is on Kickstarter already! It’s already broken its goal with the series’ characteristic speed, so that’s a very reasonable place for your money to go this week.

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The Opener: Ladies & Gentlemen and Homemade Scones

smokin' onna twix, butters, those are shoes, do you really need another hat

Get ready to GET EXTRAVAGANT! The Opener is a search for the perfect way to start your board game night. Already, in the second ever episode, Matt might have found it.

Ladies & Gentlemen is a team game about Victorian women shopping furiously for a glamorous ball, as well as the husbands they command like so many nervous ponies. How angry could you get about an imaginary dress? You’re wrong. You’re so wrong.

Matt also suggests you make scones, which are apparently the adorable training wheels of the baking world. We wouldn’t know. Our oven’s been broken since Paul baked Talisman that one time.

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Review: Tokaido

mewling & modern, tasty & troubling, destitute jerks

Paul: There are two game designers that we’re big fans of here at SUSD towers, designers whose pictures we’ve hung on our walls, whose altars we’ve erected in our rooms, and if you know us well, you know that we don’t erect things very often.

Antoine Bauza is one such designer deserving of our erections and you may well have seen us talking excitedly about two of his games before. We’re big fans of the co-op spirit-buster that is Ghost Stories and way, way back in our fourth episode we reviewed 7 Wonders, a fantastic city-building card game that’s brilliant for both beginners and even the most jaded of experienced players. Antoine has a fine pedigree.

Quinns: And now we’ve got Tokaido, a lush, luminous and lovely game that’s about nothing more than taking a long walk across Japan.

Paul: And spoiling that walk for everyone else.

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Games News! 13/05/13

babies, spanking, milkshakes, that more intelligent sort of girl

Quinns: Dearest disciples. Today, the doors of the great house of Fantasy Flight hath opened, bringing news of a GREAT MANY games (three).

Above you’ll see the forthcoming Wave Three ships for the X-Wing Miniatures game. According to my tome of Star Wars apocrapha, they’re… hang on, the pages are stuck together. Paul must be on the milkshakes again. OK we’ve got the deadly B-Wing and Kyle Katarn’s own HWK-290 for the Rebels, and a TIE Bomber and Lamba-class shuttle for the Imperials. Oh, I guess I could have just read the press release. Hmm.

I’ll be honest, I just check the Fantasy Flight homepage on a daily basis for Netrunner news. Like this! And this! Because it’s exciting to know which cards I’ll be failing to use properly next.

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Review: City of Remnants

sticky biscuits, sharp teeth, frozen lakes, robot police, f**k the robot police

Quickly! Watch this video! We don’t know how long it’ll be until (REDACTED) bring down the feed.

This is our review of City of Remnants, a wonderful new release that lets you and your friends duke it out over a fallen city. It’s a veritable ball pen full of drugs, robots, guns and grenades.

We’re not going to lie. The most remarkable thing in the video is Quinns claiming he grew up “on the streets”. AGAIN. What’s wrong with him?

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A quick thanks

a pleasure, a privelege, a toilet

Quinns: HELLO!

We’re more than a month into the new site. How’s everybody finding it? We know about the clogged toilets on floor 11. Also, can whoever’s stolen the key to Paul’s bedroom please return it.

Since the site’s launched we’ve been producing more content than ever before in SU&SD history. Five videos, two podcasts, ten written features, weekly news… I could go on! But I won’t because that’s all we’ve done and I’d just be making stuff up.

If you’ve been enjoying it, please do let us know in the the comments, which, incidentally, you guys have been making an absolute pleasure. Thank you.

If you are into the work we’re doing here, please, please, please help support us by simply going through our Amazon links before you buy anything at all. As we said in our welcome post, it doesn’t matter what you buy, just so long as you do it via us.

Enjoy month two, everybody! We love you. We really do.

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