News 38 - Shut Up & Sit Down

Games News! 26/05/14

Quinns: Hello! Or as they say in Germany, das hallo! It’s a special Mostly-German edition of the games news today, because a lot of our news is from Germany and I am very creative.

Uwe Rosenberg, designer behind such pastoral heavyweights as Agricola, Le Havre and Caverna has revealed his next project! What bold new setting are we getting this time, Uwe? What magical new mechanics have you birthed from the recesses of your labyrinthine mind?

“In the worker placement game Arler Erde, set in the German region of East Frisia, players develop an estate and expand their territory by cutting peat and building dikes.”

Ah. More of the same, then. That’s a shame! In the very same week, similarly prolific German mentat Stefan Feld has announced that his next game is about scientists that hang out with octopuses and crystals at the bottom of the ocean. Is “Team Feld” a thing? We should make it a thing. SU&SD hereby announces it is TEAM FELD!

Quinns: This week’s news is brought to you by Poolside.fm, whose smooth jams have had my soul vibrating like a sex toy since I got up. Try not to watch the accompanying video feed, though. Not because it’s bad, but because it will kneecap your productivity.

Hmm. I wanted to start with our smoothest story, but when you’re writing about board games that’s like trying to pick the straightest banana from the bunch. Let’s go with Board Game Geek’s preview (almost a review, really) of upcoming game Istanbul, seen above. A game of making money and being a boss under a sweltering sun.

Quinns: Good evening board-babies! Welcome to a sexy, late-nite edition of the news, posted two whole hours later than usual because I was doing my laundry. Oh, yeah. Mmm. Give it to me! This one goes out to that very special lady at the laundry place. The one with the knees that go all the way round.

We begin with a double-bill of new card games with “Shinobi” in the title. I’ve got a lot of time for shinobis because, like me, they’re smooth operators who move with skill and grace in the dead of night*. First off is Shinobi Clans (box art above left, same card above right), a game of dispatching ninjas to protect, assassinate or even equip vulnerable dignitaries. But before we get to that, can I just comment on how much blood is on the cover?! It’s like a pipe burst. I can only conclude that the accompanying shinobi is hoisting that helmet out of harm’s way.

What a sensible shinobi. I’d want him in my clan.

Quinns: I used Uber for the first time last night, which is a great service if you want your life to stop making sense. Summoning a car out of the ether like a fat metal pokémon? Chatting to the driver and getting a five star rating as a passenger? Madness. Naturally, my thoughts this morning are all polite chauffeurs and luxurious leather interiors, so I’d like to invite you all into the Games News Taxi.

‘Ello there! Where you off to? Kickstarter Plaza, is it? Lot of dodgy blokes down there, mate. Lot of chancers. You look like a classy sort, not that it ain’t not none of my business, mate.

Oh, look up there! That’s La Nuit du Grand Poulpe, that is. It’s comes out in English later this year. Normally I feel funny about all these foreign games coming along, taking our shelf space, but I wouldn’t mind if they all looked this good, eh! Wouldn’t mind having a rummage around her inlay.

Quinns: No question what story we’ve got to lead with. Esteemed French board game developer Bruno Faidutti, developer of such silly yet sharp games as Mascarade and Red November, has released the above image on his blog.

A prototype of a game he calls “Emotion”, we know absolutely nothing about it, but look at it! Note the stopwatch around Bruno’s neck. The anguish he’s conveying. The disdain on the woman’s face. It’s either the game we were born to review, or the one that’ll kill us.

The same post informs us that Formula E, his gorgeous-looking elephant racing game, is almost upon us. How could we not love Monsieur Faidutti? You want emotions, he’s got ’em. You want elephants, he can provide. You want something else? Stop being so picky c’mon elephants are good and so are emotions

Quinns: Are you enjoying your Easter break? Did you have an egg hunt? I’m doing an egg hunt right now! Except instead of eggs it’s news, and instead of chocolate there are no eggs. I mean, no news.

But like Jesus, I’ve got a plan! This week we’ll look at the top six games on BoardGameGeek’s “hotness” sidebar, which shows the games that users have been clicking on the most. Like Easter chocolate, this will be initially exciting, slightly tasteless, and maybe just a bit sickening.

Quinns: We’ve got lots of exciting announcements to get through today, but our lead story has to be the announcement of Body Party. Say it with me now! BODY PARTY! Don’t those words drip with possibility and shame?

The design debut of none other than W. Eric Martin of the BoardGameGeek News blog (to which our own Games News owes quite the debt), Body Party challenges teams of players to hold more and more cards between various body parts.

Imagine it. It’s match point. The air is pungent with adrenaline and hormones. A card is revealed. To win, you’ll need to press it to your friend’s back using your… thigh? But your hand is already pressing another card to your friend’s chest! So you all shuffle into position, and you win the game for your team, kneeling above your friends like a sweaty colossus.

Quinns: What a weekend! Tabletop Day, then a Netrunner tournament. I feel a sense of… union with the cardboardverse. Hang on, I’m having the strangest thoughts… Could it be? Is the games news coming to me?

I see a man… I see Ted Alspach, designer of the incredible Suburbia and One Night Werewolf. He’s announcing his new game! Castles of Mad King Ludwig will still have players laying tiles, but now sleepy suburbs are swapped for the colourful castles for real-life king Ludwig II.

I can also see that this very second, Ted is eating a burger with a knife and fork. Really, dude? C’mon. Cut that out.

Quinns: How is everybody? Are we all recovered from the biblical deluge that was last week’s news? I saw one of you got a token right in the eye, so I hope this week will be a little more sedate *is passed piece of paper* OH COME ON

Alright, then! Let’s get through this. Fantasy Flight has announced a new, English language edition of The Last Banquet (seen above). A feast of a game, The Last Banquet sits between 6 and 25 players, who (depending on their team and the scenario) will try and manipulate everybody’s seating positions. Like a kind of… turn-based musical chairs, with added poison?

Quinns: Guys. GUYS. Before I went to bed last night I said a little prayer to the Gods of Gaming. I asked for a very special game to be announced.

I wanted a game from Bruno Cathala, the designer of Shadows Over Camelot and Cyclades, where the players all control wizened undersea lords. A game of politicking and pushing your luck, where you can ally with crabs, control the algae trade and stockpile pearls. A game with beautiful art that’s at once ridiculous, otherworldly and beautiful.

YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED.

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