News 16 - Shut Up & Sit Down

GAMES NEWS! 26/08/19

Quinns: Ava, you must dampen the news and lift it to my forehead. Brighton is experiencing the last big, thick heatwave of the summer. I don’t know if I’ll survive.

Ava: It’s not just Brighton! It’s a bank holiday, so air all across the United Kingdom has turned into a thick, hot porridge, and I’m so glad we get to slip into a nice cool bath of news together.

Quinns: Ah, I forgot. Not only do the banks get a day off, so does air.

Not news, though! The news never stops, and we never stop never stopping it. Onwards!

Ava: Look at that, this week’s games news is mostly about travels! I’m on pseudo-holiday in sunny Glasgow. All the sequels are moving to Las Vegas, and other games are jumping onto tin boats and seaplanes. Not to mention what Quinns wants to get up to in San Francisco.

Quinns: Let’s hop on board the news travelator and send back some postcards.

Ava: Quinns, you’re looking a bit peaky today?

Ben (he/him): Erm…

Ava: Wait a second, you’re not Quinns! You’re three interns standing on each other’s shoulders in a long jacket!

Ben: We tried that, and we still weren’t tall enough to pass as the real Quinns. As a fresh new intern I’m contractually obliged to replace Quinns where required, whether that is providing irreverent board game news commentary or tasting any food he eats to check for poison.

Ava: Well then, unQuinns, let’s get you a past sell-by-date sandwich, a mop and a big bucket of news. There’s work to be done!

Ava: Quinns, is it getting hot in here, or have I just taken off all my clothes.

Quinns: Hopefully neither, it’s just that the site has been redesigned! And not unlike a person who’s taken off their clothes, the site is now smoother, sexier, and (most importantly) faster.

Ava: Ooh. It’s like you’ve snuck into my bedroom and tidied everything up. But not in a creepy way!

Quinns: I’m glad you’re feeling good, because it’s time for us to jump into the grand slurry of news which came out of GenCon. Hold your nose!

Ava: It’s Gencon this week, and do you know what that means? We’ve got to get in the news-canoe, sail to the heart of a newsicane, going right by a violent newscano. I’m all on my ownsome, without a Quinns to cling to. Wish me luck, and good news to you all.

This is the news, be careful out there, there’s a lot of it about.

First up we’re taking a trip to Cooper Island, a game that finally answers the question: ‘what if a eurogame, but taller?’

Ava: Quinns, Quinns, there’s a news emergency! The news pumps are overflowing.

Quinns: Don’t worry, Ava! That’s what they’re supposed to do.

Ava: But no, Quinns, you don’t understand, my cynicism valve has got wedged to ‘can only be excited about cats, Queen and civil disobedience’.

Quinns: Oh dear.

Ava: I’m even a bit surly about the moon!

Quinns: Well, that’s no good. Let me see what you’ve written, then you can report to Decontamination Chamber B for De-Grumping.

Ava: It was a busy weekend for ‘sports’ or as I like to call them ‘meat-games’, but that doesn’t mean the news wheel has stopped turning. Games gonna game and news is gonna news.

Quinns: Oh, you watched the Cricket World Cup final?

Ava: And something called ‘wombledown’ happened? I was drowning in crickets yesterday and it was a treat for rules-lawyers and fans of obscure tiebreakers everywhere.

Quinns: Ever on-brand, I was too busy playing board games this weekend to watch “sports”! I got to introduce four entire people to El Grande. I understand that the winner of Wimbledon was Woody Harrelson?

Ava: Sounds believable to me. Having had to research ‘Woody Harrelson’s face’ for the Monikers box, I doubt I’ll ever be able to escape his sturdy, well-cleft visage. Truly his countenance is a caballero hidden in the castillo of our hearts.

Welcome, everybody, to the excessively digressive games news.

Ava: Happy news-time, my greedy fact-fiends. Quinns is busy with the business of podcasting, so only has time for a deep dive into a single plunge pool of news. That means you’ve got me taking you on a tour of Germany, a mission to Mars, a ride on a golem, to an archaeological dig, a meeting with some Prussian generals, for a poke under the games-bonnet and into the dark heart of Mordor.

Just your average Monday, really.

Let’s get a wriggle on, we’ve so much to see.

Ava: Quinns, Quinns? I’ve been wondering…

Quinns: Oh no.

Ava: No it’s fine. I’m just wondering, where does news come from?

Quinns: Well, Ava, when two people love news very much, they get together and…

Ava: I’ve heard enough. Let’s make like Cole Porter and do it. Let’s fall in news.

Quinns: Here we go.

Header image courtesy of Steph Hodge photography.

Ava: Oooh, it’s officially summer (happy solstice everyone) and I’ve had two sunburn near-misses already. I reckon it’s a perfect time to cosy up with a tasty brew, pop my feet up and lean into a cosy warm bed of news.

No time to sleep though. The news waits for no-one. We’ve got gods, gardens, angels, sharks, sails, aliens, objects and finances.

Let’s have a look.

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