Shut Up & Sit Down

Review: Steam Park

roboberg, quinns' velveteen forestring, destiny by bangie

Now for a very special “Retro” edition of SU&SD! …because we accidentally filmed it in 640×480!

Trust us to make this mistake for one of the loveliest boxes of the year, too. Steam Park is a game about building theme parks for hard-working robots. A game of teeny-tiny three-dimensional information kiosks, roller coasters and haunted houses.

That said, it’s also a game where you can build a Tunnel of Love that seats just one, and once you put a robot in there he’ll never leave and begin vomiting uncontrollably. Probably just buy it and figure out for yourself whether this is the nicest or darkest game ever.

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Review: Illegal

paul's passable drugs, brendan's secret car, pip's illegal lottery

Quinns: Pip, can I tell you about my favourite moment in our game of Illegal?

Pip: Go on then.

Quinns: It was when I crossed the living room to see you and Paul conducting the worst drug deal ever. “Do you want a drug?” he asked, in the embarrassed tones of someone asking if you needed the toilet. “It’s a good drug. It’s good! Do you want a drug, or maybe two?” I was laughing so hard that I ruined your transaction from across the room.

Pip: Maybe that would be a really good strategy if you were a real drug dealer – being so awkward and middle class about it all that the police think it’s a double bluff and don’t bother arresting you.

Quinns: Hang on. Was Paul actually dealing drugs in my house?

Pip: So! Tell us more about Illegal [RUN PAUL, RUN]

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Games News! 06/10/14

Quinns: Good morning everybody! At least, I think it’s morning. Popular new videogame Destiny has afflicted Team SU&SD like a Dinklebot-powered plague. Sleep has become a luxury. Buttocks have fused with beanbag chairs. As I type this my right index finger is continually twitching, still trying to attain headshots on digital aliens. I’m not sure I can remember how to Games News, but I shall try.

Ooh, they’ve released the full rules for the new Space Cadets expansion, Resistance Is Mostly Futile, and it will add a SPACE KRAKEN. Which is probably the only thing that could have made our Let’s Play any more ridiculous.

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Paul’s Roleplay Design Diary! Part 4

history homework, roam, maps, a total lack of skills

Paul: Everybody should make things. When I was younger, I used to worry that I didn’t contribute enough things to the world. I watched TV programmes made by other people on a device invented by someone else in a house built by someone else. I was a consumer, forever digesting other people’s outputs. It made me very restless.

It wasn’t entirely true. I’d been making things since I was small. Most of those things had been entirely fictitious, but that didn’t stop me writing about them, embellishing them and trying to bring them to life. World-building is an underrated thing and I hope you all try it some time. Actually, I hope you’ve all already been trying it some time or other, because I can’t imagine anyone not. Surely we all enjoy flexing our creative muscles and going on flights of fantasy? I bet you’ve all got at least one weird and wild word inside your head.

Here’s one for you to enjoy, with its setting, its skills and its shiny dice.

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Review: Abyss

pearls, clams, su&sd godhead, butlin's at skegness, cirri

Quinns: Paul, you’re tracking water on the carpet and you’ve got a starfish on your forehead.

Paul: Oh! Sorry. I’ve been running around the undersea realm of Bruno Cathala’s Abyss. Don’t worry, though. Written reviews are rarely canonical so the carpet will probably be fine.

Quinns: What?

Paul: Well, it’ll be fine in the canonical universe. After this review finishes our story will return to the SU&SD godhead and this reality will, in all likelihood, be erased.

Quinns: What?!

Paul: You know, like how I killed you in our review of Descent 2nd edition.

Quinns: WHAT? But I’ve still got so much to live for! I wanted a wedding-

Paul: Life is full of surprises, and so is Abyss! Let me get these barnacles out of my ears and I’ll explain.

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Subscriptions are on hold, and we’re extending the donation season

lair of the bee lord, the nether-realm of bureaucracy

Hello donors!

We opened the current donation season for Gold Club #4 a little late, so we’re going to be accepting donations for a little longer and shipping the bag a little later (though above you can see a SNEAK PREVIEW of Paul’s forthcoming RPG module, The Lair of the Bee Lord, illustrated by Steve Hogarty). This also lets people who’d like access to our new forums (see that button in the upper right?) still make any donation at all to get access.

Since all subscriptions that were scheduled to bill you guys on the 1st of October would go towards Gold Club bag #5, we’ve put all subscriptions on hold and will re-activate them next month once we’ve had time to catch our breath. Those of you who’d still like to make a regular donation towards nothing more than the continued running of the site can still do so via a one-time donation.

Thanks so much everybody!

— Team SU&SD

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Games News! 29/09/14

be the cartoon, smuggle the drugs, program the bandit, eject the patient

Quinns: Morning everybody! This is the second time we’ve used Colt Express’s 3D train as our header image, but that’s because it’s a 3D train. I live in hope other board game publishers are reading this and paying attention.

Heralding the game’s release in a few months, Ludonaute has published an exhaustive official site. The site contains a manual, and the manual contains good news! This game’s going to be an absolute cluster****. But in a good way!

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Review: Five Tribes

unrubbings, hilarious tomatoes, paul's will, paul's new element

Ooh, it’s an exciting day. Not only is Five Tribes one of the year’s prettiest and most anticipated boxes, it’s also the most Paul and Quinns have disagreed on anything. EVER.

Sit back, relax, and watch the sparks fly. Or just hit play to watch Matt furtively cover his nips. You… you’ll understand in a minute, ok.

(Bruno Faidutti’s blog post on the game’s theme can be found here.)

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Tips for running a Tournament

consign winners to the basement, kick out some jams, drink

Quinns: This weekend I did something a little scary (and a little sexy). I’ve been attending casual Netrunner meets for almost a year, but this month I finally took the plunge and organised my very own tournament. Forty strangers and a few of my friends were brought together under one roof for the noble pursuit of cyber-warfare.

I thought sharing how I did it (and what I learned) could be useful for a few of you guys, and maybe coax you into running something similar. Due to having all the fun in the world I’ll now be holding these monthly.

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Kotaku Article: Thoughts on D&D 5th Edition

keith the elf, craven the thief, investio the wizard, cool sex

Quinns: While SU&SD’s Star Wars RPG campaign will continue unabated like some grimy, stuttering starship, I’ve also been playing the new edition of Dungeons and Dragons. Did you know how good it is? It’s Chaotic Good. Good like a +3 Long Sword of Goodness and Being Clever.

This week I filed a Kotaku column all about just how smart and timely it is. The words include, but aren’t limited to, these ones…

“You know how when movies or sitcoms depict D&D, people sit down and within 60 seconds they’re being ambushed by goblins, panickedly figuring out who they are and what they’re carrying? That’s what the beginner box offers. Printed on the back of each character sheet are instructions on how to level up, especially relevant in this version because (again, just like video games) the many and varied power trees of your character class open up gradually. Only once you’ve been playing for two evenings will you be asked whether your Rogue wants to be a Thief, Assassin or Arcane Trickster. And if you decide to pick up the Player’s Handbook for the full rules, you’ll find funny, witty charts to help players down the unsettling path of roleplaying.”

But I also manage to squeeze some sex and glassblowing in there. Go read!

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